cali- returning to my roots
(No, this has nothing to do with the Raggae concert; for more photos see July's section of photojournal 2024.)
to cali
On July 13th, I flew to Cali. As a nuclear family, we'd already tried to plan a trip to California to see my family and friends twice in 2023 and it kept falling through. Now that I live alone, I siezed the opportunity to make it happen. The flights and layover were uneventful and I arrived on time. My best friend since elementary school, John, picked me up at the SJC airport. The last time I'd been in California was 3 years ago, a couple months before my mom passed, and I started transitioning in May of 2023, so it was awesome to see my best friend in person for the first time as Iris, and be accepted.
We drove through Santa Cruz to Seaside, got food, and went to John's house. His father had been in the hospital in critical condition for a couple weeks, and we were planning to pick up his mom and go to the hospital to see him. However, as we were getting ready to pile in the car and go to the hospital, John's brother and cousin pulled up on the street and ran into the yard crying. We were too late. It was devastating. John's family accepted me into their home since I was a wee kid, so they're like my own family. We cried a lot. Rest in peace, Will.
In one sense, the timing couldn't have been worse; but on the flipside, I'm grateful I could be there for John and his family in that time of extreme pain and hardship. We spent a lot of time together while I was there, and the adventures we went on helped take his mind off the pain as well as cope and process as needed.
After we grieved there in the yard for quite a while, it was time for me to head to my Bubbe's, who I was staying with, so I gave my love to the rest of the family and John drove me to my Bubbe's place on Laureles Grade. We stopped at the top of Seaside for a couple minutes to take in the amazing view of the Monterey Bay.
adventures
Our other good friend Brandon was also in town for the first couple days I was there. On Sunday (the 14th) we hiked to a secret location that John had been talking about sharing with us, and it was wonderful. Amidst beautiful oak forests we climbed a plateau and overlooked the Salinas Valley for a view I haven't seen the likes of in a decade. There were modern ruins abound as well, which brought us back to high school days of exploring similar lands surrounding our school.
That night, I visited another friend, also named Brandon, at his place in Palo Colorado Canyon, to catch up and hang out before he flew to New York the next day to visit his own family. His rental is an amazingly unique living home, with two living redwood trees and one dead diciduous tree providing integral columnar support through the center stairwell. His two cats were fighting and causing mischief the entire time, as we smoked, talked about our lives and dreams for the future, and listened to music.
On Monday, I got lunch with my friend since 7th grade, Shannon, who came down from Oakland to meet me (which was surreal as I haven't seen her in 8 years probably), and we had Vietnamese food and caught up with each other. She is my oldest queer friend and also recently switched from A/V engineering to software in her career, so we had a lot to talk about. Afterwards, I ran errands with Bubbe.
Later, (the first) Brandon and I met up and bladed CSUMB. We kept it low key, but skated a classic spot as well as the new student center. When we were tired, we went to Brandon's parents' place for dinner — Brandon's two siblings and their families were there, and John came through as well. We enjoyed a spirited meal and a game of charades, where Brandon's 8-year-old newphew stole the show and made us all laugh. Afterward, we three hit up the duck pond and then the beach, cherishing this time and how so many years later here we were in the same places doing the same things.
Tuesday was interesting. I met with Gianni, a feral monk who my Bubbe practiced with for years, and basically lives at the Starbucks at the mouth of Carmel Valley. He and I shared a pointed conversation about the importance of authenticity and grassroots community building in our age. In the context of zen he also mentioned how important it is to practice dynamically instead of pretending to be a 13th-century Japanese person, which I found very refreshing. It was special to be able to meet him again after so many years (about 10?) and see that there are other clear-eyed people simply trying to make a positive impact.
After meeting with Gianni, I went to Monterey to skate the park there — where I learned to shred — and met up briefly with another friend, Michael, to have a smoke and catch up before I headed to the zendo in Carmel for the weekly sitting and Dharma talk. It was a strange experience, actually. That zendo is very... loud... It took quite a few minutes for people to calm down after sitting started, the computer facilitating remote sitting wouldn't shut up with its notifications, and those who came late had heavy footsteps. But we all settled eventually, and afterwards Patricia gave a talk on nondualism and opening oneself in the presence of traumatic triggers.
Wednesday I tried to work on underbbs in the morning (type safety stuff mostly), then met a family friend, Sky, in Carmel Valley Village for lunch. She was very excited to see my "transcendence" as she once put it, and we had a great time gabbing about queerness/lesbianism, politics, and IT. Afterward I met up with John and he took me to see some ancient caves in Robinson Canyon. Some of the more spectacular caves were overgrown with poison oak, so we couldn't explore as much as we wanted, but it was great to see such ancient evidence of civilization in the area.
Thursday Bubbe and I went up to her partner Bear's place in the deep mountains between Carmel Valley and Big Sur. Her house is a double-wide mobile home that has been lovingly worked on and improved over the past 10 or so years, and the property is full of plant life and was once a thriving pot farm. We enjoyed some time just hanging out there and made dinner.
Friday, Bubbe and I spent a lot of time together running errands. Then in the evening, I met up with John and we went to Indian Summer in downtown Monterey, had some drinks and smoked hookah. We took a short jaunt to smoke a joint and walk up and down the wharf before returning, finding two women sitting at the same fire pit we had been at, and after breaking the ice with them (Isis and Katrina) we had a great time discussing our histories, relationships, and the occult. After leaving the hookah lounge we continued hanging out and talked well past midnight.
Saturday... I didn't do much. I did some laundry and continued some work on underbbs (implementing a batch fetch for messages and authors instead of only fetching one entity at a time). Before returning to Bubbe's I got some snacks and beer at Whole Foods, and the three of us (Bear, Bubbe, and I) took a walk at the Bunny Trail and made a fantastic dinner to close out my trip.
Sunday, I packed and met John in Monterey, and he drove me to SJC. We were a bit early so when we arrived at the airport we got some Chipotle for lunch. Chikin Drip is a thing... did you know that? Cause I didn't!
chaos
When John dropped me off at the terminal, I left my glasses in the car (didn't notice until later). Then I saw my flight was delayed by about an hour and I was gonna miss my connection. No luck rebooking at the counter, so I said Fuckit, I'll fly to Salt Lake and deal with it there.
On the plane to SLC, I realized I lost my glasses and started panicking. When I landed, I saw my flight to ABQ had just left. So I rebooked for the last seat on the last flight to ABQ that night, and called John to confirm I did indeed leave my glasses in his car and he would mail them to me. Glad I didn't straight up lose them.
I was stuck in SLC for many hours, so I passed the time with a beer, then sang in the atrium for almost 2 hours. After that I got some food and called my dad, then went to the gate to catch my flight...
...Which was cancelled at the last minute. Crowdstrike! So I joined the mile-long line for Delta support, but it was looking bleak. I heard booking for ABQ was starting from Tuesday, and then Wednesday... Then a guy (Jarett) came walking down the line, asking everyone "Anyone going to Albuquerque?" I and the woman in front of me (Gigi) in line both replied "Yeah!" and he explained he was going to try to book a rental car and we could all split the cost and take turns driving overnight. So we exchanged numbers and awaited good news from him as he went to the rental counter.
About 45 minutes later, we got the all green, and met him and one other party member (Courtney) at the rental counter, and then all went to the garage to get the car: a 2024 Chrystler Pacifica. So we piled our gear and selves in, and got the fuck out of there about midnight.
We took turns driving (the three of us that could drive) across southern Utah into the Four Corners and Shiprock area. Seeing Shiprock in the sunrise was breathtaking. I was driving at the time but Jarett managed to get some photos (two shown in this section). We finally arrived in the ABQ metro area around 9:30 and I was dropped off at a RailRunner station so I could take the train up to Santa Fe.
returning
I finally got home around 11, unpacked, took a shower, and got some sleep. After about a 5 hour nap, I went to an outdoor show at El Rey. It was Monday night, queer night, and it was a pretty stellar way to return to town. Then I got some groceries, went home, and cleaned a bit before going to sleep for the night.
It was super precious spending so much time in the area where I grew up and sharing timeless moments with my friends and family. Big shout out to John for getting me to and from the airport, love you bro. Despite some people's habits continuing to misgender and misname me off and on, I felt on the whole accepted and it was cathartic to return to my childhood home at this stage of my life. The tragedy of Will's death and my granparents' aging also brought home the fragility of life and ubiquity of suffering, and a renewed sense of purpose for the worldbuilding my generation and the generations that come after have to do to make sure we can take care of each other in sickness and old age.
Monterey County was full of breathtaking natural beauty as well. But I was also reminded of what had manifested in an overwhelming urge to leave (which I got to act on finally when I went to UC Davis): how history is all but erased, the elephant graveyard population of Carmel and Monterey strangling the entire county with their stagnant white supremacy, and the striking lack of native (ie, non-tourist) street life.
I would like to visit again sooner; 3 years is too long, and I didn't get to see my Gramps. I'm also not sure I want to stay in Santa Fe long term, but at this point I guess I'll be here a while. My lease is up in October and I don't really have the funds to move since I've been financially supporting my family after we split up, so I'll have to figure something out.