blackhole://nilFM

toward understanding 2023

violence be damned

I cannot believe how violent we humans are. Annihilating each other for God, revenge, power... But the water palace is flowing away, and we cannot breathe without it.

moving, parenting, partnership

Moving sucks. We did it twice this year. We found a cool apartment in a nice neighborhood in South Capitol area and moved there in April, but there was mold you couldn't see. The place was actually making us all sick.

So we moved again in November. But we made some friends while living in South Capitol, and our new place is on the north side, quiet, and amidst trees.

Parenting and partnership are two of the most difficult things I've ever done. Trying to be a reliable fixture for my partner and child, not just logistically but emotionally, and maintaining the proper scope of spiritual awareness to make sure I put my efforts in the right places... It's so challenging.

self transformation

I've always known that I was nonbinary, but fear kept me from expressing that in a meaningful way. This year, that's changed. My egg has cracked, as they say. I have the privilege of being a parent, and being able to integrate this transformation into my parenting and partnership has so far been very cathartic. My partner, my friends, and my family have been wonderfully supportive, and I can't thank them enough.

I got promoted at work as well — my manager has my back, and we are trying to make our team's work sane, productive, and future-proof. I look forward to the next year of expanding my own professional and technical horizons and putting heads together with my team to make good software. Now I can feed my family and more™.

This year I built taro and felt. Both programs are intentional, limited, focused on natural UI and tailored usefulness. I'm pleased I was able to distill my craft into these vessels, and that my approach and style in workflow let me prioritize real life first and then write my programs as therapy.

time is running out

It's a bit scary though, working in this field. Powerful entities abuse not only Joe Shmoe who gives his data unwittingly, and lawmakers looking to line their pockets, but also developers like myself who need to make ends meet and have a knack for puzzles. They drain the psyche and the spring. They fuel war and collect profit. What do we have to do to make sure that our interests — our collective interests as humans and earthlings — aren't destroyed while we're busy trying to feed our kids?